We don't fit on airplanes anymore

Dear man on the airplane,

Air travel sucks these days. Planes have not gotten any bigger, while we all have. I am a relatively small person, so I fit into the standard airplane seat well enough, though it never feels as though I have enough leg room and I always feel crowded. I have genuine sympathy for bigger people, and by “bigger” I don’t even mean all that big. I’m talking about the man who is six feet tall or taller, or the woman whose jeans are in the double digits (which, these days, is most of us). There is just no way to be comfortable. I get it. I also really sympathize with you in particular, because, for whatever reason, you got stuck with a C boarding position and were one of the last people to board a very full flight. You made your way to the back of the plane and there were scant few middle seats left. You chose the one in between me and the big dude by the window. Neither you nor the dude really fit in the seats. I felt bad for you, but not enough to offer to move, because, think about it. If you were me, would you really want to be squished in between two large men? Thank you, but no.

So you sit down. You shift in your seat to try to fit. It’s obviously you really don’t. I feel sympathy for you. I shift so I’m sitting as far to the aisle as possible, to give you a little extra room. Just a little, because it’s all I have, but I really try to be considerate of you. I was surprised when you pulled out your laptop, but whatever. If you want to try to get some work done in that too-cramped space, more power to you.

In hindsight, I’m actually embarrassed with myself for how much consideration I offered to you. I really thought, oh, you poor guy, being a normal-sized dude in a small airplane seat. Here, let me be courteous to try to help you feel comfortable.

Did I contribute to what happened next by being overly accommodating? Was trying to help the person sitting next to me really to be avoided in the interest of self-preservation?

At one point, I realized that my middle-seatmate was leaning into my space. He had his laptop on his tray table so far to the left that the cup holder on the right of the tray table was accessible. He was left-handed, and we were on the right side of the plane, so every time he would type, his elbow tapped my side. I hate to be touched there. Though, honestly, on a plane, I hate to be touched anywhere by a perfect stranger, especially one who doesn’t seem to care just how much of my space he is invading.

I shifted my right arm so it was at my side, taking up the space his elbow was usurping. He stopped typing, but didn’t move that laptop the extra few inches to the right that were available.

For the remainder of the hour-long flight, this guy leaned left, with his laptop shifted several inches to the left off his tray. Why left? Why, when give the choice of leaning left, or right, or just keeping the laptop as centered in his space as possible, did he find it acceptable to lean into me? Because I am female? Because I was considerably smaller than the uncomfortable-looking big guy in the window seat (who definitely had some girth on Mr. Middle Seat), so there was simply more room to be had by leaning my way?

I have a hunch that if I polled the men that I know, they would have no idea what I am talking about, because this never happens to them. Yet, the women I know would find this scenario very familiar. It is as if it’s an unconscious movement for a man to take our space. We’re smaller, we’re quieter, it’s less creepy for him to lean into my space than another dude’s.

Here’s the thing: It’s actually not okay for this to happen. It’s also not okay that I didn’t feel comfortably saying hi, could you sit up a little straighter because, seriously, dude, we’re all crammed in here.

I do wish the airlines would recognize that American adults are, for the most part, bigger than we once were, and that isn’t likely to change. I know it would cost a lot of money for planes to be retrofitted to accommodate bigger people, but there is a point where that really does need to happen. There should not be a reason or opportunity for anyone to encroach on my space when we are both seated in the seats for which we paid. I should not have to scrunch over practically in the aisle because the guy next to me doesn’t really fit in the space. But since this is the reality of airline travel as we currently know it, gentlemen, please, I ask you to consider how you move within the space. Consider not man-spreading your legs. Consider that if you need to lean and encroach on someone’s space, what does it mean for you to take the space of the woman next to you and not the man? Consider that there is a reason women are aware of this type of micro-aggression, and men are oblivious.