I was discussing temperament with a colleague recently and we talked about the difference between a person who is shy and a person who is an introvert. Many people think that they are one and the same. They are not.
I, for example, am not shy yet I am definitely an introvert.
People who are shy have difficulty being in social situations. That difficulty can be painfully crippling, to the point where it can negatively affect a person's life.
Introverts have no problem being social; we can just only take so much of it, and are quite happy spending time by ourselves, thank you very much.
In my last job, as a visitor services manager for a large cultural institution, I couldn't figure out why I was so emotionally wiped out every night when I got home. Then, one day, it hit me: my job required that I act as an extrovert all day long, starting with the morning meeting I led with my staff, and continuing throughout the day, where my job involved talking to people (both staff and guests), resolving problems, and having conversations, constantly. For someone who is happy sitting by herself in a quiet corner and reading a book, this type of job takes a lot out of you.
I started a new job recently, one in an office, with a lot of very social, friendly colleagues. They are lovely people who have gone out of their way to try to make me feel welcome. I went out to happy hour with them last week because I was invited to join two coworkers for a drink before they went on to another engagement. Perfect, I thought. I can chat with them and there is an end time on it, so I can still head home to my peace and quiet. Then, the quick happy hour turned into a good dozen or more coworkers all at the same bar; it was a little like a college party, only with grown-ups in business clothes. There was a lot of energy, a lot of noise. A lot of friendly people, to be sure, but I just didn't have it in me. It's not them, it's me. Really. But I don't come across as an introvert, because I have no problem holding my own in conversation in a group setting such as that. It just wears me out. But that's what the others don't see.
I write about this on my travel-themed blog because travel can at times force you out of your comfort zone. I've been to foreign countries by myself, I've been in situations where I did not speak the local language (Icelandic, anyone?), and I have certainly been in places where I did not know my way around (like when I picked a metro stop at random in Prague and found myself walking for twenty minutes until I realized I was not in the best part of town and really needed to get back to that train). I have purchased a beer glass in German and a bus ticket in Czech, even though I barely speak a handful of words in either language. I have gone hiking in the Blue Mountains (Australia) and eaten buffalo in Banff (Canada). Yet, at the end of the day, I really, really, really need that quiet room to go back to, either alone or with a travel buddy who really gets me. It's no great surprise that my best friends all love reading as much as I do. We can sit together and break out a book or go for a walk and be quite happy.
Hopefully, I will find my way with my extroverted colleagues in a way that shows my genuine gratitude for their kindness and outreach but that doesn't make me feel like I need to run and hide just to get a break from all the talking, already.
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