Peabody Mill - An Afternoon Hike

I live an hour to an hour and a half away from points in the White Mountains. There is some great hiking up there, but I am inexperienced and not a fool so I do not hike there alone. Since I don't yet have a network where I have hiking buddies, I continuously look for ways to get outside on the weekends without risking my life.

Not too far from where I live is a wildlife preserve type area called Peabody Mill. There is an education center, plus lots of hiking (and snowshoeing, if you do that sort of thing) trails. There are also hunters in the fall, prompting lots of signs at the education center reminding hikers to wear their orange. That gave me pause.

There are enough different trails to keep every trip a little different, and the place is close enough that I can go on a weekend and enjoy being outside. Here are a few pictures of an outing from last fall.

Can you guess what made the holes?

There has to be a name for it

There has to be a name for it. We all know what man-spreading is. What do we call the phenomenon when men encroach on a woman’s space in a more general way? This happened to me on a recent flight when I realized that the man sitting in the middle seat – I was on the aisle – shifted in his seat and moved his laptop left by several inches to encroach on my space, instead of shifting right towards the man seated by the window. He had a choice: stay centered and make do with his own space, or shove over into someone else’s, and the someone else was me. I feel certain that this is a micro-aggression, something that women deal with so often we don’t even realize the sexist basis of this action, and something that men are so conditioned to do, they don’t do it consciously. I’m willing to bet that Mr. Middle Seat did not sit there and think to himself, “hm, I need extra space. I know, I can squish over and inconvenience this small woman. If I lean towards the man, he might think I’m – gasp – gay.” Yet, subconsciously, that’s exactly what he did. It’s cultural, and it’s sexist, and it’s homophobic, and I’m really tired of it.

Today, my friend was standing by a charging station near our gate at the airport. She was watching our bags while I ran to the restroom before our flight. Her phone and mine were plugged in to the outlet. A man came over and, without saying a word, sat down on the stool directly in front of the outlet. Granted, the stool was available. But this man had a choice. He could sit on the stool that crowded my friend, who clearly wasn’t going to be walking away anytime soon since she was using one of the phones that was plugged in, or he could choose the stool that meant he would have to it next to a young man. Once again, guess what, he thought nothing of choosing the seat that crowded the woman. Her personal space is apparently up for grabs. But crowding another man? Goodness, no. Unthinkable.

My friend was standing in between Mr. Striped Shirt and the person on the right.
She had her phone and mine plugged in to the outlet the man is now using. Seeing as he plugged
in as soon as she left, he was clearly angling for the space. Interesting that he chose to crowd
her for outlet space rather than the man using the other outlet. 

Random Travel Tips

- Download your airline's app

- Sign up for text alerts on your phone of any flight changes. 

- The second you receive an alert that your flight has changed, make a beeline for the nearest counter for your airline to discuss your options. The quicker you do this, the more flexibility the gate agent will have to get you rebooked and home quickly before everyone else on your original flight does the same thing and snatches up the seats.

- Use a backpack as a carry-on. One-shoulder bags start to hurt pretty quickly.

- Even better, get a bag with a sleeve so it fits over the handle of your wheelie suitcase.

- Drink as much water as you can stand. Pee at every opportunity. 

- When a woman walks into the bathroom and says, "My flight is boarding right now, is there any chance I can jump the line to go?" Do her a kindness, earn yourself some karma, and let her jump the line. Next time, it could be you. Get rid of the "We all have a flight to catch, why shouldn't you have to stand in line like everyone else?" attitude from your head and from your heart. Because, seriously. We all know it take 15 minutes, minimum, to board, and then it's another half hour, at least, before you are in the sky, and then good luck to you because you may get a flight with a lot of turbulence. Just get out of her way and let her pee. 

- When you're all lined up to board Southwest and people are checking boarding numbers, don't be the guy who says, "You know it doesn't matter, right? We're all going to the same place." Of course it matters. If it didn't, southwest wouldn't make a ton of money charging extra for people to board in the first 15 spaces. Besides, if you don't want to be the person in the middle seat next to the guy eating onions with his shoes off while your bag is gate checked because there is no more room in the overhead compartment, why would I?

- If ever you are in line at security, and someone is frantically asking if they can go ahead of you to make a flight, step aside and let them go. One day it could be you who needs to make a run for it. 

- Spend the $85 and get registered with TSA Precheck. It will be the best $85 you ever spend. Trust me on this. Keeping your shoes on, leaving your damn liquids in your bag, and not taking out your stupid laptop at security is a beautiful thing. Especially the shoes. And the belt. And your coat. Seriously. Just get the Precheck. Get it. Go.

- Keep an eye out for healthy snacks at the airport. They exist, you just have to look for them. I almost bought a perfectly decent-looking Cesar chicken wrap today, even though the container said it has 710 calories in it. But it looked fresh and was reasonably healthy. Then, I noticed the snack pack with two hard boiled eggs, a mini whole wheat pita, cheese, and grapes. That was only 380 calories and was much healthier, and tasted better. 

- Be the person who brings the stinky food on the airplane. It's a bummer when the guy next to you is eating something gross, and no one wants to be that guy, but you need to eat and sometimes healthy food is stinky. People can deal.

- Don't recline your seat back unless a) the seat behind you in empty, b) the person in that seat is sleeping and/or very small, or c)... Yeah, that's about it. Especially don't do it with a bang. The person behind you might have their laptop out or a drink on their tray. So recline if you must, but don't be a jerk about it.

- Drink more water. Get a refillable water bottle and a carabiner. Use the carabiner to clip the water bottle onto your backpack. Once you're seated on the plane, clip the bottle to the magazine pocket in front of you. You will drink more water because it is so handy and accessible. Still accept water from the flight attendants when they come around. Don't think "But I already have water." Instead think, "But now I have more water."

- If you decide to use your tray table as a sleeping table, be mindful of the people to the right and/or left of you. The lady in the middle seat today put her head down to nap and was so far onto my tray table that I had to move my drink lest she knock it over with her head. And her husband is in the seat on the other side, so encroach on his space if you're going to encroach, lady. Geez.

- Use headphones. Because, duh.

- Are you traveling with a small child? I have nothing but respect for how difficult that must be. But, seriously, if you're going to let precious princess walk on her own and la-di-da pay no attention to her surroundings as kids tend not to do, don't be surprised when the person behind you shoves past you shouting, "I have to make my connection!" Please work to be just a little more situationally aware. I know your kid doesn't know how to do that yet, but you do. I don't like shoving by little kids, but I like spending the night in the airport even less.

We don't fit on airplanes anymore

Dear man on the airplane,

Air travel sucks these days. Planes have not gotten any bigger, while we all have. I am a relatively small person, so I fit into the standard airplane seat well enough, though it never feels as though I have enough leg room and I always feel crowded. I have genuine sympathy for bigger people, and by “bigger” I don’t even mean all that big. I’m talking about the man who is six feet tall or taller, or the woman whose jeans are in the double digits (which, these days, is most of us). There is just no way to be comfortable. I get it. I also really sympathize with you in particular, because, for whatever reason, you got stuck with a C boarding position and were one of the last people to board a very full flight. You made your way to the back of the plane and there were scant few middle seats left. You chose the one in between me and the big dude by the window. Neither you nor the dude really fit in the seats. I felt bad for you, but not enough to offer to move, because, think about it. If you were me, would you really want to be squished in between two large men? Thank you, but no.

So you sit down. You shift in your seat to try to fit. It’s obviously you really don’t. I feel sympathy for you. I shift so I’m sitting as far to the aisle as possible, to give you a little extra room. Just a little, because it’s all I have, but I really try to be considerate of you. I was surprised when you pulled out your laptop, but whatever. If you want to try to get some work done in that too-cramped space, more power to you.

In hindsight, I’m actually embarrassed with myself for how much consideration I offered to you. I really thought, oh, you poor guy, being a normal-sized dude in a small airplane seat. Here, let me be courteous to try to help you feel comfortable.

Did I contribute to what happened next by being overly accommodating? Was trying to help the person sitting next to me really to be avoided in the interest of self-preservation?

At one point, I realized that my middle-seatmate was leaning into my space. He had his laptop on his tray table so far to the left that the cup holder on the right of the tray table was accessible. He was left-handed, and we were on the right side of the plane, so every time he would type, his elbow tapped my side. I hate to be touched there. Though, honestly, on a plane, I hate to be touched anywhere by a perfect stranger, especially one who doesn’t seem to care just how much of my space he is invading.

I shifted my right arm so it was at my side, taking up the space his elbow was usurping. He stopped typing, but didn’t move that laptop the extra few inches to the right that were available.

For the remainder of the hour-long flight, this guy leaned left, with his laptop shifted several inches to the left off his tray. Why left? Why, when give the choice of leaning left, or right, or just keeping the laptop as centered in his space as possible, did he find it acceptable to lean into me? Because I am female? Because I was considerably smaller than the uncomfortable-looking big guy in the window seat (who definitely had some girth on Mr. Middle Seat), so there was simply more room to be had by leaning my way?

I have a hunch that if I polled the men that I know, they would have no idea what I am talking about, because this never happens to them. Yet, the women I know would find this scenario very familiar. It is as if it’s an unconscious movement for a man to take our space. We’re smaller, we’re quieter, it’s less creepy for him to lean into my space than another dude’s.

Here’s the thing: It’s actually not okay for this to happen. It’s also not okay that I didn’t feel comfortably saying hi, could you sit up a little straighter because, seriously, dude, we’re all crammed in here.

I do wish the airlines would recognize that American adults are, for the most part, bigger than we once were, and that isn’t likely to change. I know it would cost a lot of money for planes to be retrofitted to accommodate bigger people, but there is a point where that really does need to happen. There should not be a reason or opportunity for anyone to encroach on my space when we are both seated in the seats for which we paid. I should not have to scrunch over practically in the aisle because the guy next to me doesn’t really fit in the space. But since this is the reality of airline travel as we currently know it, gentlemen, please, I ask you to consider how you move within the space. Consider not man-spreading your legs. Consider that if you need to lean and encroach on someone’s space, what does it mean for you to take the space of the woman next to you and not the man? Consider that there is a reason women are aware of this type of micro-aggression, and men are oblivious.

Wine Country Showdown: Sonoma vs Napa

We rented a car and headed out of the city, driving over the Golden Gate Bridge. About an hour later, we were in Sonoma County, which is a beautiful place. Lunch was at The Girl and the Fig, a great resteraunt with fig flavored beverages and wonderful, fresh food.

We had no grand plan, other than to see where the day took us, directed somewhat by the recommendations of the nice lady at the visitor center. Our first stop was Benziger Winery, which was flat out beautiful. We only had about three hours before the wineries began to close for the night, so we opted not to take the hour long tram tour of the grounds, though in hindsight, maybe we should have done it. I'm not sure we found another spot nearly as beautiful. Bonus, the wine was good! We had an enthusiastic and friendly wine guy telling us all about the wines, and every single pour was terrific. It pained me to pour some of the tastings out, but the pours were generous, and someone had to drive.

THe next stop was a place called Arrowwood, which at first appeared a little stuffy but actually was fantastic. The view was great, the wine guy encouraged us to take our time and enjoy some of the pours on the covered porch if we liked. Surprisingly, we both loved a Viognier, which was surprising not in that it was a good wine but because we both tend to favor reds. That Viognier was the only bottle we ended up buying the entire trip.

After that, it was right down the hill to Imagery Winery, which is the sister winery to Benziger. Where Benziger was more traditional, Imagery was more experimental. They even boasted a small art gallery to showcase the artist-commissioned wine labels for each bottle. Unfortunately, the wines were rather underwhelming. Not bad, just nothing that knocked our socks off.

We ended the evening at our little hotel in Calistoga, where we wandered a bit and found a nice dinner.

The next day, we took a short, impromptu hike up a hill and were rewarded with wonderful views of the town. After a quick stop at a winery in a converted gas station, we headed to Napa Valley, expecting a similar experience to the day before. We were surprised at the different tenor of the area. Where Sonoma was hilly, Napa was flat. Where Sonoma had interesting-looking wineries all throughout the area, Napa wineries all looked somewhat the same from the road. Where Sonoma wineries welcomed anyone, anytime during operating hours, many Napa wineries were by appointment only.

We did finally find an interesting place called Darioush, run by a Persian man named, wait for it, Darioush, and modeled after a palace. That place was fascinating. The staff clearly loves their boss, and no one blinked when we asked to share a tasting (rather than pay $40 each when most of one of the pours was going to go into the spit bucket, due to, you know, driving). Bonus, the wine was good, because of course it was. It's Napa.

We then found an Italian-style winery called Luna where the wines were slightly less sophisticated though still quite enjoyable and the sweet wine lady seemed genuinely surprised and touched when we left a tip.

Then, dinner at a French resteraunt in downtown Napa, where I was thoroughly confused by the fact that all of the house wines were French. We were in downtown freaking Napa and not one of the house wines was from Napa?

Our quiet rebellion to this was in each ordering a Napa (non-house) wine.

Overall, we both preferred Sonoma to Napa. The scenery is more varied and frankly, more beautiful, the people are more welcoming, the wineries have some variety and there's none of this by appointment only crap. We were surprised to not find a winery pouring zinfindel, and if we did this again, both of us would concentrate on the Russian River Valley. A lot of zin comes out of there, plus I have yet to try a Russian River Valley wine of any type that I didn't really like.

San Francisco: be who you are

I'm in San Francisco for a long weekend. To say that I love it here is an understatement. This city has good public transportation, including a very active uber network, there are great ethnic resteraunts on every corner, world class bakeries, great locally-made goods, fun shops, the ocean AND the bay - there is so much to do and see and eat here that it's just incredible. Plus, the weather is good.

What is especially interesting is the personality of the city. You can be who ever you want to be in San Francisco. Want to ride your bike down the street with a live chicken in a crate on the handlebars? Why not? Feel like roller skating your happy self down the street wearing yellow sequined hot pants and a hat with a red ball on top? Feel free. No one cares. No one looks at you funny. Well, I did cast a bit of a side eye towards that guy yesterday wearing nothing but a leopard print fuzzy coat with white fringe, a cowboy hat, and boots. No pants, as far as I could tell. But you also have me, in my mainstream jeans and hiking shoes and fleece vest and I have never felt like I didn't fit in, the way I can in some of the more hipster-ish neighborhoods in Baltimore or yuppie areas of DC. Even when I ate lunch yesterday in a Pakistani resteraunt or today in a Spanish tapas place both patronized almost exclusively by Pakistanis and Spaniards/Hispanics, respectively, the staff simply switched to English and seemed happy to have us there.

I have no doubt that the "be who you are" vibe is closely tied to the fact that this is, clearly and without a doubt, an anti-trump town. There is everything from "love trumps hate" signs to Donald trump piñatas and toilet paper. I got into a nice chat with a lady on a bus about the ACLU action to overturn Trump's executive order banning Muslims from the US. The police calmly escorted a group of demonstrators down a major road so that they could peacefully protest the pipeline today.

I don't know San Francisco history well enough to speak with any great authority about it, but I can't help but wonder if the modern-day attitude of acceptance stems from the time in our history when Japanese Americans were forced into internment camps. The American people don't intend to allow that type of injustice to happen again. Fast forward to today, where everyone is welcome, no questions asked.

Alcohol, my permanent accessory...

So, something I didn't think to consider when deciding whether or not to move to New Hampshire is the liquor law up here. It's bizarre.

If you want to buy beer or wine,  you can do so in a grocery store. That's a bit of a luxury, because in Maryland, you can't ever buy alcohol in a grocery store. I grew up with my parents always going next door to the liquor store for anything alcoholic.

If you want to buy wine and hard liquor, you can do so in the New Hampshire state-run Liquor "Outlets."

If you want to buy beer, wine, AND hard liquor all in one place, well, for that you have to go to Massachusetts.

I'm serious. Your other options are to order a drink at a bar or restaurant, or visit a winery's tasting room. I was all excited about that last option until I discovered that New Hampshire soil grows even worse grapes than Maryland. The local wines are ... not good.

What I really miss, though, are the boutique wine shops. The ones where they stock lots of low production wines from independent vineyards, and the staff all knows the inventory and can make informed and interesting recommendations. They tend to have a lot of fun mixed cases available for a bargain. They host free or cheap wine tastings, and often educational classes, too.

Man, I miss those shops.

Today, I went to not one, not two, but three different "outlets" to find wines by a particular label. One of the outlets has the meritage. Another has the cab. Yet another, in a town I have never heard of, has the riesling. Seriously?

And then, there is the fact that most of the wines stocked in the outlets are of the mass produced variety, which, while not necessarily a bad thing, doesn't leave much room for learning and trying new things.

You can bet I will investigate the local wine culture the next time I move to a new state.

This is the scene at the local grocery store chain that lets you pick your own six-pack. This is very cool,  except the beer won't ring up until you buy six. There were two different beers I wanted to try today, but could I just try those two, without buying four more I didn't want? Nope. Because nothing about buying alcohol in New Hampshire makes any sense at all.